i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
