Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
