He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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