Got a toothbrush?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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