Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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