i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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