K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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