Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its not stalking. its research.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
