I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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