I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
