Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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