break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
