Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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