if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize