if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
