Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize