I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
