I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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