nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
