I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
