my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
