I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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