I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He passed out mid-signature
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
