Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
