You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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