Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
