My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
