remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
