I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
