he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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