why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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