I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
