She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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