actually, I'm a sock model
love makes seman taste better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
