I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
