# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
