He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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