Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
