She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
