You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize