What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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