she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will be naked everywhere
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize