You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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