Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
