this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
