oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
