Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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