You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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