he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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