My liver just broke up with me...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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