shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
