I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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