My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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