Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
