k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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