Moan for me like Helen Keller
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
