The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
