Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
