I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize