New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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