That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
