Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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