sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
