i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
