Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
