Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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