you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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