we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
