I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
