how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hippo gnu deer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
