My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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