Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
