so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
