my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
