Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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