She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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