So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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