i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
