I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
