I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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