But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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