I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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