I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
