my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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