i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
