oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
