Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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