Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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