my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
