we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize