No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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