I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
