you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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